WOW Moments...

I have had many of those this last week. WOW moments...

First of all, there is too much going on in my head, too much to write about to get to tonight, but, I wanted to throw a few things out there for further discussion/writings. So, here it goes...

When my husband and I decided to look into adoption, we researched several options. We had been married 14 years with no children and had fallen into a pretty productive and lucrative lifestyle. We were successful in our relationship and our careers. Where am I going with this? Well, the way we got to where we were was by planning, scheduling, and researching everything in our lives. So, when we decided to adopt, we did just that. We planned, researched (till the cows came home) and scheduled everything.

Now I know. I know that it doesn't matter how much you plan, how long and how much you research, and how much you schedule with adoption - the outcome is a child (or children in our case) and it wasn't until they were home and we became a family that I realized that there was nothing that we did that could prepare us for parenthood - especially adoptive parenthood.

Here we are now, I no longer am working my 50+ hour a week career, we are living paycheck to paycheck, and although we try to follow a schedule - well, all I can say is, we try.

So, one of my gripes tonight is this...

I think we did a great job preparing ourselves for adoption. I do think, however, that we were failed in preparation of adoption by our adoption agency/social workers. There are so many aspects of our adoption that were missed, that were "looked over". I feel that the adoption world, especially the international adoption world is successful in making the adoptive parent the "focus" of the adoption. As I read the forums and the several e-mail discussion groups I am a part of, I consistently see "I", and "me" and "us" and it is always the adoptive parent who is upset or has been mistreated, or is not getting information, or is having issues with their adoption. I have been constantly blindsided with the fact these last few weeks that hardly anyone is focusing on the child or the children involved. Let's not forget about the child, the innocent child who has no say or seemingly no rights in the adoption process. Let's stop worrying about what we as adoptive parents are going through, or what our agencies or attorneys or our own emotions are doing for us. Let's just focus on the child, and the needs of the child. By doing that, adoptive parents need to get ourselves healthy, and prepare ourselves as well as we can mentally prior to getting that child home. If we cannot be in the right place when the time come to proceed in adoption, and bring a child into our homes when we are not prepared health wise, mentally and financially, does that mean we fail the child? In a way, I think, yes!

I see so many adoptive parents complaining once their child is home about attachment, about sleeping problems, eating problems, behavior problems and I can't help wonder if some (I am only saying "some") of those issues are stemming from the unprepared adoptive parent.

Don't get me wrong, I am not scolding adoptive parents nor am I excluding myself from this group of adoptive parents. Quite the contrary, I see this or have seen it in my life and I am seeing it more and more in the adoptive community.

Is it because more and more agencies are merely looking for a buck and not worried about what happens after the children come home? Why is it that it seems that the dollar, the agencies, the aparents, the outsiders are the focus during the adoption process and why is it the child isn't always the focus? Not every situation is that way, but it seems to me that it is heading that way more often within the international adoption community.

That was much more than I wanted to get into tonight, but there it is....

More tomorrow...

Why Antigua Family?

All of my children were cared for from the day they were relinquished by a hogar that is located in Antigua, Guatemala. We visited each child once and then traveled a second time to pick up that child. All in all, I have spent over 6 weeks in Antigua. It took me a trip or two, but I fell in love with the city of Antigua. Not only was it the place where my children were placed in my arms forever, but i love the architecture, the culture, the laid back way of life and the wonderful people of Guatemala. It is such a different way of life.

What is amazing about Guatemala is that despite the poverty, the malnutrition, the lack of bare necessities - for the most part, the people of Guatemala are happy. They are truly happy, you can see it in their eyes. The women truly care about their children and they do everything together and go everywhere together. It's such a simple way of life. Live, love, laugh. The kids are laughing - dirty and barefoot on cobblestones, but laughing, joking with their buddies, but those smiles are infectious.

I try to remember my experiences in Antigua every day. Makes a difference in my life to remember that it doesn't or at least shouldn't make a difference in my life what material things I have, or if we can afford to order dinner out again, or wonder how we are going to afford the family vacation I am planning. That doesn't mean that it isn't important to work hard and provide for my kids, both Rich and I do what we can - but, we also have made the effort to remember what comes first in our lives. I have my family, we are all healthy, safe and we have each other. I was complaining yesterday about how small our home was and how we have out grown our home. Rich said to me, "No, our house is perfect, it is filled with our family and it is filled with love, that's all that matters." I obviously still need reminded.

This is my first blog. A blog about myself, my husband, and my kids. It's about everyday life, adoption, love, craziness, stress, and anything else I feel compelled to write about.



I am the mom of three wonderfully busy kids whom I love with all my heart. A son who turns 5 next month, a second son who is in the midst of his terrible two's and a beautiful daughter who is also two and has decided that the only thing she is willing to share is the terribleness of also being two. My kids became a part of our family through international adoption and they were all born in Guatemala and home by 6 months of age.



I am also a wife. I married my best friend, my high school sweetheart. We have been married 18 years next month. We share this life, the craziness of it. We were child free for the first 14 years of our marriage and within 3 years, we had a houseful of three kiddos - changing our lives forever! I wouldn't have it any other way!